06.02.10

Horse Gal combats fear of riding– Part 3

Posted in Horses for the horse crazy at 8:51 pm by HorseGal

Two steps forward then one step back…

Another night, another ride: OK, so tonight did not go so well. A non-thinking and thoughtless visitor to the barn spooked Gilford and Glendale while Emmie and I were getting ready to tack them up. This person was a professional horse person who should have known better.

Glen is quiet on the crossties, BEFORE the BIG SCARE!!!

I could see as this guy pulled in through the entrance gate– in a REALLY loud pickup truck– that this was NOT going to be good. He was going at a normal speed, but as he got closer to the barn, I said to Emmie “I don’t think he’s going to slow down”… and he didn’t. He just kept going as he got closer and closer. Glen and Gilford were both on crossties. This man backed his loud truck up to the barn aisleway right behind Gilford, who had his back to this vehicle. He backed in at too fast a pace which upset Gil and Glendale, AND Emmie and me too.

Horse Gal with Gilford, as he was before SOMETHING came up in the barn aisleway behind him…

This person was only 4 or 5 feet away from Gilford. Poor Gil– he couldn’t see what was going on behind him and got so upset and scared that he spooked. So did Glendale. I was trying to calm Gilford and Emmie was with Glen. She was doing a MUCH better job with Glendale than I was with Gilford! Emmie ended up having to try to calm them both. I tried to help, but I wasn’t doing a very good job at it.

Thanks to Em, the boys finally quieted down, but only a little bit. They were still very anxious, because this person was still there. Next, this man dropped the tailgate down (it was on a hinge of some kind, so that it went down all the way to the back wheels) and it slammed against the back wheels. This started the boys up again being jumpy as Emmie and I knew it would.

Remember, Gilford can’t see what is going on, but he can hear it and all he wanted to do was get away (for the record, so did I!) At this point, Emmie took Gilford off the crossties because he was snorting and rearing and jumping all over the place and she was afraid he would pull the crossties out of the wall and/or injure himself. Keep in mind that while Emmie is trying to manage Gilford, Glendale is also all worked up too and she’s trying to calm them both down.

Then, while she was holding Gilford by his lead line and he was pulling at it and very spooked, the noise just continued from this guy. So, Gilford decided he’d had enough and took off, dragging poor Emmie with him. She had to let go of the rope, but fortunately Gilford stopped after only a few yards once he got out of the barn.

And wouldn’t you have thought that this thoughtless person would have said SOMETHING? Like maybe, “I’m sorry” ??? Not a word… he just kept rambling on and on to nobody about nothing in particular as if there weren’t two big scared horses going crazy, along with two handlers who were trying to calm them down, all within a few feet of him! I’d never seen anything like this before!

[SORRY BUT THE MOST EXCITING PARTS ARE RARELY CAUGHT ON CAMERA...]

And Emmie, as she always does, rose above the chaos… she was SO calm, and took control of the situation: the TWO upset horses AND a very nervous Horse Gal. I tried to help her, but I know I was freaked out like the boys were! Well, maybe not quite that bad, but I was awful apprehensive and uneasy. What a commotion it all was.

Once this person finally unloaded hay and left the barn after about 25 minutes or so, everything quieted down and both the boys were fine. But I was so worried that Gilford would still be all worked up while I was riding him, and that he might spook at the smallest thing, I just could not relax (even though Emmie said to me while I was riding “Gilford’s forgotten about it!”). My ride and confidence were non-existent. My nerves just would NOT let me relax.

At last, off to ride…

This all set the tone for my ride as I was so rattled by the events. Never have I seen the boys so upset because these really are such calm and gentle horses. But, they ARE horses and I know that even the most gentle and kind horses will spook and react to something they perceive is a danger.

BFFs and horses– Em is on Gilford while Horse Gal holds Glendale.

Horse Gal fighting her nerves while she rides Gilford…

I was “sticky” as Emmie called it and I was not helping Gilford collect himself. In actuality, I was the one who needed to collect herself! I was SO tense. Cantering was especially awful as Gilford’s gait just didn’t feel right and my nerves were getting the better of me. Emmie got on him, but as I watched from the ground, even to my untrained eye he didn’t seem to be transitioning into his canter properly.

,,,and cantering in spite of her fear!

Emmie did say that Gilford was “sticky” too but after a couple of times around the pen, Emmie had him collected and cantering as he should have been. I know that it was my uneasiness in the saddle that was causing Gilford’s “stickiness.” I did get back on him at Emmie’s urging (so that we could end the ride on a good note), but I only trotted. Even the trot felt a lot smoother after Emmie had ridden him.

I’m so frustrated with me. Emmie said that horses and riders always have times when they are “off.” Sometimes it’s the horse, sometimes it’s the rider, sometimes it’s both. Well, tonight, Gilford’s problems were me. Emmie’s last words to me tonight?: “Now don’t go home and worry about your ride tonight.” But of course I did, because that’s what I do… obsess and over-think (which might be at the root of my fear problems) about all the things I should have done and just getting SO angry at myself for once again losing the battle between me and my fear. I’m SO frustrated with myself.

I still have one last ride before the boys’ summer camp is over. If my last ride ends up being as bad as this and my nerves take over again, then I’ve totally failed at what I was trying to do– to put a dent in my fear while Gilford, Glendale, and Emmie are around. I also know a month of summer camp is not enough time to solve all my issues. It takes a lot more time than that so I wasn’t expecting to end all my angst in a month.

However, nights like this make me wonder if it’s even possible for me to get past all this fear. And once the boys leave, where do I go from here? I can’t do this alone. I just hope that my last ride is something I can feel good about so that I can feel like I accomplished something during these past 4 weeks. If it goes badly, then what? I’ll find out soon enough– my last ride is tomorrow night.

GOOD LUCK, HORSE GAL!!

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See other Fear of Riding posts by Horse Gal

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